I’m so confused and fed up, I’m starting to feel really weepy and keep dreaming of pregnant people!
I don’t believe for a single second that I’m pregnant, the pains and cramps are too intense. If I were pregnant I’d be absolutely worried sick and wouldn’t be able to function. I don’t know if this is my way of dismissing the chance of pregnancy as I think the pregnancy wouldn’t last… I just don’t know, my head is mince!!
The image above is from the Pregnancy Monitor on my Fertility Friend chart, the summary “You are past your usual luteal phase. You may take a test, you may be pregnant!” is somehow offensive to me, probably only because I know I’m not pregnant. Maybe any other month I might still be very hopeful and glad of that little piece of wisdom!
I called the hospital on Monday for the results of my 7 DPO blood test and the nurse said it looked really good and confirmed I did ovulate (which wasn’t such a surprise). I told her my period still hadn’t arrived and that all 3 pregnancy tests I’d taken were negative. I’ve to call back tomorrow if I’ve still not got my period by then. Unfortunately I don’t know what she’ll suggest, just have to wait and see I suppose. I’m kinda thinking they may do a blood test to confirm BFN and then hope they will give me something to bring on AF.
I received a lovely comment from Jan in Australia this morning. You may remember her daughter had a bad reaction to the drugs in her first IVF cycle, you can read it again here “IVF risks“.
Jan did say that it’s difficult for her to watch her daughter go through this and it got me thinking about my own loved ones, namely my sister and my Mum.
I suppose I’ve not really considered how difficult it must be for loved ones to stand by helplessly and watch my journey to motherhood. I know I’d be devastated if it was my sister who had to go through what I’m going through and I’m glad it’s me and not her.
Is it best to tell them everything or not? I don’t know, I suppose I’ll need to ask them but I feel by telling them everything they aren’t worrying about things that don’t exist. I suppose you could say they are worrying about the things that are happening and I feel this is the position I’d rather be in if I were on the other side of this infertility fence.
I know this is the hormones talking and as I sit typing this I’m blinking back the tears (if the boss sees me he’ll no doubt think I’ve lost the plot) but I’d like to apologise to my loved ones, I’m sorry I’ve put them through this, I wish this was one journey we didn’t need to embark on but I’m so glad they are right there with me x
Infertility and me! 
My heart has leapt, i hope it is truly what we are all waiting to hear from you. I know you went to the “Clinic” for assessment, i wait with bated breath to read your next update.
jan :)
Morning again,
i read your last entry and sat here with tears rolling down my face, as your words are spot on!! Share everything with your mum and sister, because even though this is YOUR journey, yours and your DH, the next person that feels all your pain is your mum – even though she will not let on, her heart is hurting and will cry her tears silently. She will also feel that she is being included in your heart ache and joy and her support is boundless. Your child will be the child of her child, an extension of herself and she wants to share every step on the way.
I have a son and daughter in law that already have gorgeous little girl and another one of the way. They have blessed us with keeping us in the loop with every Dr’s visit and and i have been to the scans for both babies. Even though they are a 12 hour drive away my husband and i are made to feel very important in their lives and we cherish this.
And this is true with Steph and her husband, a gift for which we cannot entirely express our gratefulness and love.
So include your mum, the results will be the strengthening of your bond from which you will both be rewarded.
Jan
Hi Jan
We seem to bring tears to each others eyes!! :)
Thanks for your reply, so good to hear about your family.
I thankfully got the very important job of bonding further with my Mum and sister today as the trully unthinkable happened this morning!! :)
I will update my blog when I get in to work 2moro morning.
Just wanted to thank you again for keeping in touch, for sharing your thoughts and comments as they have meant the world to me.
Thanks Carole xx