I’m Pregnant!

5 03 2010

I honestly can’t believe I’ve just typed that, I don’t believe it!!

I keep thinking it must be happening to someone else, then I remind myself that it’s really happening… to ME… after 30 months… it’s actually my turn!!!

I got up yesterday morning as normal, fully expecting my period to have arrived through the night because I felt “wet” but it was no where to be seen. So I went about my normal morning routine, had my shower and left the bathroom with a handful of super size tampons to stock my handbag for the day. 

After I got dressed and was about to head out the house I phoned the nurse at the fertility clinic to tell her my period hadn’t arrived so far but would be there any minute. She asked me if I’d done another test, I told her no that the last one I’d taken was on Friday when I was 16 DPO and it was negative and I wasn’t doing any more because my period was just about to start.

She asked me to go and do another test and call her back. She said if it was negative she’d get me in and do a scan to see what was happening as she couldn’t understand why I’d not had a period or a positive test result. So I hung up feeling quite annoyed and almost phoned her back to tell her I’d done a test and it was negative without even doing one! I just thought it was a farce, my period was about to start and she was asking me to endure yet another slap in the face with a  BFN, I really wasn’t in the mood.

I decided against lying to a medical professional and relented and went to the bathroom to take another test. :o)

I was struggling to pee as I’d not long been but managed to squeeze out enough to dip in my internet cheapy! I actually threw the test in the tub and the pee went over the “max” line but I wasn’t caring, I thought it a pointless excercise.

After the required time I removed it from the pot (I say pot but it’s actually the lid from a can of hairspray) and threw the remainder of the pee down the loo.

Well you can imagine my surprise when I looked back around and saw 2 lines.

Positive internet cheapy!

I’d never ever seen that before and there was a slight delay as it registered. Once it did register I burst in to tears saying things like “Oh no, Oh no, Oh shit Oh shit, Oh my god Oh my god” repeatedly! I was in the house myself and I’m sure I might have handled it differently if DH had been there!

My first thoughts were that it hadn’t happened perfectly, I mean that I’d had nearly a bottle of wine only 6 days before and I’d been quite lax about taking my Pregnacare tablet as I thought my period was coming. I felt so guilty about both these things hence the “Oh no’s”!

If I hadn’t thrown my pee down the loo you can bet your bottom dollar that I’d have taken every test I had right there and then (which was 6 in total).

So after I’d managed to stop the tears I hesitantly called the nurse back. When I told her I’d just gotten a positive result she said “see I told you you could do it”! I told her that it really was quite a shock and she guessed that I’d only agreed to do the test to keep her happy :o)

She asked if it was a Clearblue test and I admitted that no it wasn’t, it was a cheap one I’d got from the internet. She said it didn’t matter but asked if it was only a faint positive. I said no, as I’m sure you can tell too, the second line isn’t as dark as the control line but it’s definitely there.

I asked about the really bad pains I’d been getting and she said unfortunately some women do have that. She said if they get more severe or if I bleed I’ve to call her straight away and she’ll get me in to do a scan.

However, since getting that positive result the pains haven’t been as bad. Don’t get me wrong they still come and go but they aren’t as frequent and are not as sore! I truly believe that because I was convinced my period was coming my body was reacting to that. And now that I am, dare I say it again…pregnant, my brain has switched gears and I even felt queasy this morning and I’ve been so hungry since supper time last night!! Now I didn’t feel like that 48 hours ago when I was pregnant and didn’t know about it!! The power of the mind :o)

Back to my story…

The nurse has booked me in for an internal scan on Tuesday 23 March when I’ll be 8 weeks, I’m shaking my head as I type this, this is usually something I’d say about someone else. So when I’m 8 weeks pregnant they should be able to see the heartbeat.. how cool is that!! :o)

I’m going to be someone’s Mum…eeeek!!!!

Bring it on I say, the time is right! :o)

Part 2 to follow soon ….





21 DPO and still no AF!

3 03 2010

I’m so confused and fed up, I’m starting to feel really weepy and keep dreaming of pregnant people!

I don’t believe for a single second that I’m pregnant, the pains and cramps are too intense. If I were pregnant I’d be absolutely worried sick and wouldn’t be able to function. I don’t know if this is my way of dismissing the chance of pregnancy as I think the pregnancy wouldn’t last… I just don’t know, my head is mince!!

The image above is from the Pregnancy Monitor on my Fertility Friend chart, the summary “You are past your usual luteal phase. You may take a test, you may be pregnant!” is somehow offensive to me, probably only because I know I’m not pregnant. Maybe any other month I might still be very hopeful and glad of that little piece of wisdom!

I called the hospital on Monday for the results of my 7 DPO blood test and the nurse said it looked really good and confirmed I did ovulate (which wasn’t such a surprise). I told her my period still hadn’t arrived and that all 3 pregnancy tests I’d taken were negative. I’ve to call back tomorrow if I’ve still not got my period by then. Unfortunately I don’t know what she’ll suggest, just have to wait and see I suppose. I’m kinda thinking they may do a blood test to confirm BFN and then hope they will give me something to bring on AF.

I received a lovely comment from Jan in Australia this morning. You may remember her daughter had a bad reaction to the drugs in her first IVF cycle, you can read it again here “IVF risks“.

Jan did say that it’s difficult for her to watch her daughter go through this and it got me thinking about my own loved ones, namely my sister and my Mum.

I suppose I’ve not really considered how difficult it must be for loved ones to stand by helplessly and watch my journey to motherhood. I know I’d be devastated if it was my sister who had to go through what I’m going through and I’m glad it’s me and not her.

Is it best to tell them everything or not? I don’t know, I suppose I’ll need to ask them but I feel by telling them everything they aren’t worrying about things that don’t exist. I suppose you could say they are worrying about the things that are happening and I feel this is the position I’d rather be in if I were on the other side of this infertility fence.

I know this is the hormones talking and as I sit typing this I’m blinking back the tears (if the boss sees me he’ll no doubt think I’ve lost the plot) but I’d like to apologise to my loved ones, I’m sorry I’ve put them through this, I wish this was one journey we didn’t need to embark on but I’m so glad they are right there with me x





Beautiful Blogger Award

22 02 2010

Thank you Rebecca from The Road Less Fertilized for nominating me for this award.

The Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for this award
  • Copy the award and place it in your blog
  • Link the person who nominated you for this award
  • Tell us 7 interesting things about you
  • Nominate 7 bloggers
  • Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

About Me:

  1. I have 3 American Bulldogs; Bully, Boston and Diesel
  2. I love to knit (currently knitting baby clothes for pg relatives)
  3. I live in a cemetery
  4. I can ride a motorbike
  5. My best friend is my sister
  6. I got married in a palace
  7. I’ve learned through this IF journey that I’m stronger than I thought possible!

I nominate:

  1. The Impatient Optimist
  2. So Much for Simple and Easy
  3. Musing of a Wannabe Mommy
  4. Baby, Interupted
  5. A Little Hope
  6. Infertility Take 2
  7. Barren Blog




Clomid update

10 02 2010

I went for an internal scan on Monday morning as the nurse thought I’d OV on Sunday, turns out I didn’t. So was asked to go back again this morning.

Last Friday she said I had 2 dominant follicles but on Monday only one had continued to grow. The nurse was happier with this as she said there’s less chance of twins (I was kinda getting used to the idea too!!) and had said if there were 3 big follies that she’d recommend abstinence or using protection to save me getting pregnant. She said it’d be a shame if I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage which is likely with triplets. However…this isn’t something I need to worry about now!

I’m just happy that I am going to OV. I normally do anyway but it just seemed to be dragging out and I was starting to worry that Clomid would have some strange effect on me and I’d not OV or something. If there is nothing to worry about, I’ll find something! I’ve been taking OPK’s since over a week ago and I got a very very faint positive this morning. I don’t usually test in the morning as I’ve read that you OV in the afternoon but wanted to find out before my scan appt this morning. So I’ll test again tonight when I get in from work in the hope that it’ll be truly positive! :o)

So no more scans, I’ve to go back next week to get blood taken to test my progesterone levels. She said over 20 is good and under 20 is not good, she did call it something but I can’t remember.

My measurements for today were:

Lining = 9.7mm

Follicle = 19.1mm

My uterine lining only measured 9.0mm and one follicle measured at 21.0mm at the last scan I had before ER when going through IVF. So Clomid looks like it’s doing the job and isn’t that much different from the Gonal-f, although I did get more follicles with the Gonal-f. But still, I think it’s really good (give me a fortnight and we’ll see HOW good!!).

I really do think the acupuncture has helped too. I was there last night and Pascal told me that of all the 12 channels only my liver channel is difficient, it always is. But he said my kidney channel was looking good and this is the one which relates to the reproductive system. I’ve also read that acupuncture helps thicken the lining of the womb and helps reduce the side effects of Clomid, this is  the article I found: How Traditional Chinese Medicine (Acupuncture) Enhances Fertility.





I’ve cancelled :-s

5 02 2010

I phoned EFREC this morning and cancelled my IVF cycle which was meant to start in March/April. The nurse has put me on the waiting list to call back in July when AF starts so IVF would be August.

I feel a bit strange… like I’m throwing away my chance to get pregnant but as I went for my TVUS this morning to check my follies since taking the Clomid, I do still have hope that I won’t need IVF.

The scan showed that I have 2 dominant follies, one measured 11mm and the other 13mm. There were other smaller ones but the nurse didn’t really mention them. She did tell me that she didn’t want me to have loads anyway… not sure why! I’ve to go back on Monday morning again as she reckons I’ll OV on Sunday.

I told DH we should BD every day until it’s been confirmed that I have OV’d. It wasn’t too big a fib… FF tells you this!! :o)

The administrator for GCRM Edinburgh clinic also emailed me to find out if I wanted to make an appt (I’d emailed previously to find out when their new satellite clinic would be opening).

I told her that I was on Clomid and wanted to see how that worked but if it didn’t work I’d def call for an appointment. She said the next available appt at Edinburgh is at the beginning of March so it looks like there’s a 3-4 week waiting list to meet with the RE.

Good to know for the future… but as always, here’s hoping it’s one appt I’ll not need to make!





Private v’s NHS

4 02 2010

I’ve been researching the IVF statistics of both the Edinburgh Fertility and Reproductive Endocrine Centre (EFREC) and the Glasgow Centre for Reproductive Medicine (GCRM) on the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) website.

I’ve taken both statistcs and compared them side by side and it’s helped me make a decision about our next IVF cycle, I want to try GCRM!

DH has said in the past he wants to go back to EFREC but I’m going to try and convince him the GCRM is worth trying… especially now they have a satelite clinic in Edinburgh and look how much better their results seem to be!

The comparison between both clinics are:

Live births per embryo transferred (2007)

Predicted chance of an average patient having a live birth:

                  EFREC                   17.8% – 33.0%
                  GCRM 18.5% – 45.6%

Live births per treatment cycle started (2007)

Predicted chance of an average patient having a live birth:

                  EFREC                   30.0% – 51.9%
                  GCRM 34.9% – 72.6%
EFREC and GCRM comparisons

EFREC and GCRM comparisons

After my scan appointment tomorrow morning I’m going to call EFREC and remove my name from the April IVF cycle… I’m still scared and worried but it will allow someone else the chance to take my place.





Let Clomid begin!

27 01 2010

As today is CD 2, I took my first 50mg Clomid pill.

The horrible thing is I’ve had gastroenteritis, I was really ill on Saturday night through to Sunday morning and I’m still not feeling great. As I’ve not actually been sick since Sunday morning I figured it’d be okay to start taking the Clomid…how could I not start taking it, I honestly couldn’t wait another month!

So I’m not feeling too great, got horrible AF cramps and I’ve started taking Clomid and I’m hoping if there are any side effects they’ll wait until the gastro sickness feelings pass, but to be honest if I do get side effects I’m willing to endure them…bring it on!! :o)

However… DH is now sick too! I’ve been trying to work out when we should start BD and I’m hoping by then DH will feel much better, how selfish of me?

According to what I’ve read, I’m likely to OV 5-9 days after taking my last Clomid pill. So that’s at least 10 days away, plenty of time for DH to get his appetite back :o)

Can’t wait to get this party started!!!!