I’m Pregnant! – Part 2

6 03 2010

I finished yesterday at the point where I’d just spoken to the nurse at the fertility clinic.

She was the first  person who shared the news that I was pregnant. It was something I thought about before calling her. I wanted to make sure I’d be okay knowing she knew before DH but I thought I’d better check with her first that I was definitely pregnant. There was no way for her to confirm what I’d saw on the test, it wasn’t a video call! I just thought speaking  to a nurse would make it real and then I texted DH.

This is how much shock I was in… I texted “Look what’s happened!!!” with the photo of this test


Look what’s happened??? In all the time I’ve been dreaming about a BFP and elaborate ways in which I could tell DH, “Look what’s happened” never ever played a part!!! :o)

I immediately tried to call him but got the message “unable to connect your call” so I texted him again and asked him to call me asap. Then I put my coat on, ran back in to the bathroom for that digital Clearblue test I’d been keeping for good, then left the house and was just about to start the car when DH phoned! His first words to me were “I knew it, I knew it”.

As he was at work and I was on my way to mine’s I never saw him until 7 hours later.

So I drove to work in a complete daze, DH did ask me to take extra care driving in to work as he knew I was as “high as a kite” and I managed it. To be honest I can’t really remember the journey, scary eh!

The hardest part at work that morning was not grinning like a cheshire cat for what would appear to be for no apparent reason. One of the first things I did before any work was mark the BFP on my Fertility Friend chart. I didn’t allow myself any research in to how far along I was etc. I got stuck in to work to stop from completely losing it!!

I texted my sister to ask if she’d be in at lunchtime as I couldn’t wait to see her. Just the day before we were talking about how hard it was for her to watch me go through this. Last April my Mum, my sister and my nephew and I went to Edinburgh Zoo. Whilst passing the stork enclosure my sister said to them “…just come and bring my sister a baby”! I had to choke back the tears, as I’m doing just now.

So the countdown was on to lunchtime and every time I thought about telling her I got butterflies. I did think about doing the digital test at her house but was absolutely bursting my 11.55am that I relented and did the test in the toilet at work.

I wasn’t alone in there and when that display came up “Pregnant” I had to scream with my mouth shut! The other patron no doubt thought I had constipation or something as the squeeks escaped my closed mouth!!! :o)

Needless to say when I saw my sister there were lots of hugs and screams and it was brilliant! We frightened my nephew with all our screaming though, poor wee scone.

My Dad came in to my sisters about 20 mins later and we had to compose ourselves and talk about other things as I wanted to tell him and my Mum together later that day.

I went back to work and did very little if truth be told ;o)

I finished early and saw DH, there were no great hugs and squeeks this time, he’s just not like that but one of the things I knew he’d say is that he believed the docs in EFREC fleeced us! I told him that it didn’t matter to me, it was the right thing to do at the time, I couldn’t have not tried it.

We worked out that the price of me getting pregnant only cost £1.33 (3 month prescription costing £4 and we only needed to use one months worth).

It is a whole lot different from £4,000 but still it’s all been part of our journey and it will no doubt help me become a good Mum, I’ll treasure the gift that so many take for granted.

We went and told my F-I-L next, M-I-L wasn’t there as she was visiting my S-I-L. My what a lot of acronyms for one sentence!

My S-I-L told me that I was pregnant as soon as I walked in to her living room. She’d seen me hoovering last week and had told DH’s Mum that I was pregnant! I didn’t even know I was pregnant then… she must have some kind of psychic ability!!

We then bumped in to DH’s daughter (23 years old) but we didn’t tell her. She’d be really really happy for us I know but she’s not very good at keeping secrets and even told us that she’d almost told a man that day about his surprise birthday party that was being planned for him! We’re going to wait until after the scan on the 23rd. It’s only 17 days away so we just need to be really careful that none of us lets it slip.

Then it was down to see my parents, everytime I thought about telling my Mum I got butterflies. I was really looking forward to telling her. We usually email each other every day but she’d not emailed me, thankfully as it’d have been hard to keep it to myself and I knew that I didn’t want her to find out that way.

My sister and nephew came with us. I just walked up to my Mum and gave her the digital test and said “here’s a belated birthday present”! She took it from me and although she didn’t have her specs on she knew what it was positive! You know how when you have confirmation of your OV day you count forward to when you can test, well I knew that I could test on my Mum’s birthday and I dreamed of telling her when we all met for dinner that night. Unfortunately the test I did that day was negative so I never mentioned it!

After the shock hit her she jumped up and we hugged and kissed and cried and screamed and it was great!!!! :o)

I never slept that night, my DH fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow so there no congratulatory BD or talks of the future. I however downloaded various pregnancy Apps for my iPhone until 1am then I eventually fell asleep. I then woke at 4.55am wide awake and starving! I had to get up and have something, a block of cheese was the easiest thing so that’s what I had and I never fell back asleep. My head was just full of lots and lots of pregnancy thoughts and it was great!

Unfortunately the battery in the digital test packed in and I can’t see that “Pregnant” result when I need the reassurance that I am really and truly pregnant anymore. Fear not though as I’ve ordered a 2 pack from Access Diagnostics, they only cost £8.40 and that is for 2 of those tests that not only tell you you are pregnant but how far along you are. Was hoping they’d have been here this morning but they’ve not arrived so I took another internet cheapy one and that second line is quite a bit darker than the first test I did. For a split second I felt the dread of the test being negative but luckily it never happened. The second line actually appeared as the dye worked it’s way up the stick!! :o)

I’ve already bought “I’m Pregnant” magazine and will buy a pregnancy book next week when I’m at work, I’ll nip out at lunch time and hope no one I know sees me hovvering about the Pregnancy section! I’m willing to risk it!!


Clomid update

10 02 2010

I went for an internal scan on Monday morning as the nurse thought I’d OV on Sunday, turns out I didn’t. So was asked to go back again this morning.

Last Friday she said I had 2 dominant follicles but on Monday only one had continued to grow. The nurse was happier with this as she said there’s less chance of twins (I was kinda getting used to the idea too!!) and had said if there were 3 big follies that she’d recommend abstinence or using protection to save me getting pregnant. She said it’d be a shame if I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage which is likely with triplets. However…this isn’t something I need to worry about now!

I’m just happy that I am going to OV. I normally do anyway but it just seemed to be dragging out and I was starting to worry that Clomid would have some strange effect on me and I’d not OV or something. If there is nothing to worry about, I’ll find something! I’ve been taking OPK’s since over a week ago and I got a very very faint positive this morning. I don’t usually test in the morning as I’ve read that you OV in the afternoon but wanted to find out before my scan appt this morning. So I’ll test again tonight when I get in from work in the hope that it’ll be truly positive! :o)

So no more scans, I’ve to go back next week to get blood taken to test my progesterone levels. She said over 20 is good and under 20 is not good, she did call it something but I can’t remember.

My measurements for today were:

Lining = 9.7mm

Follicle = 19.1mm

My uterine lining only measured 9.0mm and one follicle measured at 21.0mm at the last scan I had before ER when going through IVF. So Clomid looks like it’s doing the job and isn’t that much different from the Gonal-f, although I did get more follicles with the Gonal-f. But still, I think it’s really good (give me a fortnight and we’ll see HOW good!!).

I really do think the acupuncture has helped too. I was there last night and Pascal told me that of all the 12 channels only my liver channel is difficient, it always is. But he said my kidney channel was looking good and this is the one which relates to the reproductive system. I’ve also read that acupuncture helps thicken the lining of the womb and helps reduce the side effects of Clomid, this is  the article I found: How Traditional Chinese Medicine (Acupuncture) Enhances Fertility.

I’ve cancelled :-s

5 02 2010

I phoned EFREC this morning and cancelled my IVF cycle which was meant to start in March/April. The nurse has put me on the waiting list to call back in July when AF starts so IVF would be August.

I feel a bit strange… like I’m throwing away my chance to get pregnant but as I went for my TVUS this morning to check my follies since taking the Clomid, I do still have hope that I won’t need IVF.

The scan showed that I have 2 dominant follies, one measured 11mm and the other 13mm. There were other smaller ones but the nurse didn’t really mention them. She did tell me that she didn’t want me to have loads anyway… not sure why! I’ve to go back on Monday morning again as she reckons I’ll OV on Sunday.

I told DH we should BD every day until it’s been confirmed that I have OV’d. It wasn’t too big a fib… FF tells you this!! :o)

The administrator for GCRM Edinburgh clinic also emailed me to find out if I wanted to make an appt (I’d emailed previously to find out when their new satellite clinic would be opening).

I told her that I was on Clomid and wanted to see how that worked but if it didn’t work I’d def call for an appointment. She said the next available appt at Edinburgh is at the beginning of March so it looks like there’s a 3-4 week waiting list to meet with the RE.

Good to know for the future… but as always, here’s hoping it’s one appt I’ll not need to make!

Private v’s NHS

4 02 2010

I’ve been researching the IVF statistics of both the Edinburgh Fertility and Reproductive Endocrine Centre (EFREC) and the Glasgow Centre for Reproductive Medicine (GCRM) on the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) website.

I’ve taken both statistcs and compared them side by side and it’s helped me make a decision about our next IVF cycle, I want to try GCRM!

DH has said in the past he wants to go back to EFREC but I’m going to try and convince him the GCRM is worth trying… especially now they have a satelite clinic in Edinburgh and look how much better their results seem to be!

The comparison between both clinics are:

Live births per embryo transferred (2007)

Predicted chance of an average patient having a live birth:

                  EFREC                   17.8% – 33.0%
                  GCRM 18.5% – 45.6%

Live births per treatment cycle started (2007)

Predicted chance of an average patient having a live birth:

                  EFREC                   30.0% – 51.9%
                  GCRM 34.9% – 72.6%
EFREC and GCRM comparisons

EFREC and GCRM comparisons

After my scan appointment tomorrow morning I’m going to call EFREC and remove my name from the April IVF cycle… I’m still scared and worried but it will allow someone else the chance to take my place.

IVF risks

13 01 2010

I received the comment below and wanted to share it, I hope Jan and Steph don’t mind but I honestly didn’t think this was possible.

I, like all other IVF patients I’m sure are told about the risks to their health when going through IVF. But I just didn’t think anything bad would happen to me (luckily nothing did), all I kept thinking was “who cares, I’ll do anything to get pregnant” and I’m sure I’m not alone.

Well the truth is, sometimes things do go wrong and IVF isn’t plain sailing for us all and boy does it sounds very scary!!

This was written by Jan regarding her daughter Steph:

“…she had an extreme reaction to the hormones during the egg retrieval process, (November) and hyperstimulated to the point of being in a critical condition in acute care in hospital. They drained 2 litres of fluid from her abdomen and 1.5 litres from her lungs, she had compromised kidneys and was on high alert for heart failure. She looked 9 months pregnant, was on oxygen as lungs weren’t working enough to keep the oxygen levels in her blood stream up, and had to have 2 blood transfusions for the protein content to help her body. She was oozing fluid out of her legs, and from the puncture wounds in her body, and she gained weight (all fluid) going from 45 kilos to 61 kilos in 2 days. It was such a shock and she was sooooooo very sick, even the specialists where extremely concerned. By the 3rd day she had 3 specialists looking after her. But good news is she has rallied, and has 3 grade A embyros waiting on ice for her when she is fit and well enough to go ahead. “

One down, one to go!

28 12 2009

This may sound horrible but I’m glad Christmas is over!

Luckily I never met either of my pregnant cousins over the past couple of days, I was dreading it!

My family usually go to my Aunt and Uncle’s every Christmas night for a few drinks and my cousin D and her husband are always there and this year was no different. I was dreading my aunt phoning and asking us to go to her house but luckily she never. I wouldn’t have been able to go and for that I’m pretty peeved at myself. I thought I was coping well with friends and relatives getting pregnant and having their babies but I wonder if I’m struggling because IVF didn’t work?? I think it’s only now that it’s hitting me exactly what I’ve been through and what I’ve “lost”.

I know I’ve not really lost anything, I wasn’t even pregnant, but at one point my DH and I had an embryo, a potential baby that would have meant so much to us.

I used to think all I needed to do for a guaranteed pregnancy was to go through IVF. The realisation that I’d done IVF and it hadn’t worked hit me just a couple of weeks ago. I was driving to work and the realisation that my “safety card”, my guarantee hadn’t worked hit me like a ten tonne truck. I felt sheer panic!! And the repeated thought “what am I going to do now?”  never left me that day.

The IVF consultant and friends have said that it was only our first time and there’s no reason why it can’t work the next time but at the moment I can’t help thinking the exact same thing will happen again, that I won’t be able to keep our embryo alive. I feel like my body is failing us and have even been thinking I might need to consider using donor eggs. But with that comes the thought that if it does work and I do have a baby that it won’t have any characteristics of me or my family. I love when my Mum says that my nephew plays with his food just like I did! Really stupid but it makes me feel happy when we see small things like that! I feel sad to think I won’t get a chance to see that for myself in my own child.

Just one more day to go… New Years Day!

We have been invited to my cousins house at the New Year and normally I love it but I just can’t go this year. Now I’m worrying about what excuse I can use for not going. I know I can tell my sister exactly why I don’t want to go but I don’t want to tell my Mum or DH. I don’t want them to know I’ve reached that stage of IF where I can’t be around pregnant people. How stupid/naive was I to think it wouldn’t happen to me!!

I recently read an IF story that struck a cord:

“Such a daft thing, but it’s just another reminder that whilst the world moves on, we’re stuck on the periphery, noses pressed to glass, voyeurs in a family-orientated world where we don’t belong and can’t take part.”  The full story can be read here: http://infertilitynetworkuk.com/uploadedFiles/Understanding/INUK%20Rachel.pdf

Sorry for the somber post and I do hope that many of you received the greatest Christmas present ever… a BFP!! :o)

And for the rest of us, here’s hoping 2010 will be the year when we can take part too x


5 11 2009

I went to see an acupuncturist last night, one who specialises in fertility who was recommended by “A” who recently got a BFP after IVF #1.

Having tried acupuncture about 2 years ago for the exact same thing I thought I knew what to expect but to be honest this was different! For a start there was no painful muscle spasms due to the needles being connected to what looked like a car battery charger!!

Because I thought I knew what to expect and where I expected the needles to be placed, lets just say I should’ve worn my good underwear!

After asking me questions about my general health, hobbies, work etc he asked what I thought were interesting questions:

  • do you dream?
  • do you have recurrent dreams?
  • how would your friends describe you (this was the most difficult question to answer)
  • do you have dry skin/eyes/mouth?
  • do you pespire a lot?
  • do you get angry often?
  • and when I told him I’d suffered from chlamydia, he asked “what’s that?” Didn’t I feel like the town wh@re explaining that it’s an STD!!! I quickly dismissed telling him that I was in a long term relationship when diagnosed and I didn’t sleep around, had only had so many sexual partners, etc etc… he really didn’t need to know all that stuff!! I think he probably has heard of this before but as he’s French it was maybe the first time he’s heard the word in English… I’m just trying to make myself feel better after knowing I’m his first ever STD patient!!! Oh joy!! Yet another thing to thank IF for!

So we got started on the acupuncture…

He asked me to get undressed down to my underwear and lie on the table, cover myself then he’d be back. I did have a brief “OMG what if this isn’t kosha” moment but got underdressed anyway! :o)

He then took my wrists, one at a time, and I thought he was taking my pulse but he probably wasn’t, he just seemed to be listening/concentrating?

He then pressed various points on my body and asked me if any were tender. My collar bone, breast bone, ribs, stomach and uterus area. The only thing I felt was a really strange tickly feeling when he did the one just under my rib on the right. I don’t know what this told him but I should’ve asked .

He then asked me to turn over, to lie face down. He asked if he could undo my bra strap and this is when I had my first thought about whether it was decent underwear I had one! Then he inserted the needles up and down my spine, not sure how many. He then left the room and I lay there for about 10 mins. I was trying to relax but my head was full of thoughts as always and the cleaners were just outside the door hoovering the corridor! I was worried they’d open the door and come in at any time. The cover had been pulled down to my hips and my bra was still on at the front but I really didn’t want them to catch a glimpse of me lying there like a puddock!

So he came back in and got me to turn over again, after he’d fastened my bra back up (it was strange, not creepy in any way, but weird).

He then put the needles this time on both wrists, both feet and he put 3 along my knicker line.. again I was thinking “why did I have to wear these old comfy knickers?”. The cover was covering my pants but even if he saw the elastic band at the top of them that was bad enough! Again he left the room for about 10 mins and turned the ceiling lights off and left a lamp on.

He did ask if I felt okay about everything, ie the covers being lowered etc and I told him in a bambling sort of way that having gone through IVF I had been through much worse and was past the point of caring! He did say that he hoped I would leave with my dignity in tact after visiting him… and of course I did. I then went on to tell him how unfair it was that women have to go through so much with IVF whereas men don’t have to do that much!! Why oh why can’t I just shut up at times!! :-s

He did ask how my experience differed from my last acupuncture experience and when I told him that the last guy had connected the needles to electricity he was shocked, he told me that electricity is normally used to treat musculoskeletal issues, not fertility. He said that he treats fertility very gently and that the idea is to adjust the energies without them noticing! I also told him about the last guy giving me homeopathic tablets which contained very slight traces of arsenic. He laughed and said “I think he was trying to murder you!” :o) In his lovely French accent it was really funny!!

He is a lovely guy who seems to know what he’s talking about and he has a website:  www.scotland-acupuncture.co.uk. Oh and he’s very easy on the eye too ;o) x