Subfertility clinic

21 01 2010

I was back at the Fertility clinic yesterday to meet with the consultant there, it was the first time I’d met him.

He asked me what he could do for us and I said that I’d like to find out, if possible, why our first cycle of IVF didn’t work. He asked if our IVF consultant had given us any indications, when I said no, he said well it’s just unfortunate they you were in the 70% of people who are unsuccessful with IVF.

I asked if he could check whether I had a short luteal phase and he said it’s very unlikely (why do they always say that, surely someone has got to test positive to give us this rare percentage!). Anyway, I showed him a list of my cycles with the cycle length, ovulation date and luteal phase length. All he said is “Well if you have a cycle length of 31 days I’d expect you to ovulate sooner than day 21”!! He asked how I’d come to know when I OV’d and when I told him I’d been using OPK’s he just said that the problem wasn’t with me but with the OPK’s as these aren’t reliable!!!! I’m more angry typing this out than I was yesterday, I always feel inferior when meeting with consultants, I felt like I shouldn’t question him. I’m a grown woman for gods sake…aarrgghhh!!! But I should have told him that previously I’d also taken my BBT and my temps corresponded with the OPK’s.

When I told him that even though I was taking progesterone during my IVF cycle that my period arrived 2 days before the beta test he just shrugged and said he didn’t know why, the IVF consultant would be able to tell me more about this! (Which he wasn’t able to do).

I told him that I hadn’t received a positive OPK this month so he offered to give me a scan to find out. So it was back to meeting an old friend…the vagicam!! :o)

He reckoned I had OV’d but couldn’t tell me when, he said he could see the corpus luteum, as he could see the fluid? Maybe he was right about the OPK’s this month?

He said that I didn’t have any symptoms of endometriosis so wouldn’t do a laparoscopy as endometriosis would have shown up before when I was getting all the scans going through the IVF.

The only thing he said he could recommend where Clomiphene tablets. I wasn’t sure what they were, all I knew was it sounded like Clomid so jumped at the chance to try them. Turns out Clomiphene is Clomid. So I’ve got a prescription for 6 months worth of Clomid to try. He said that in a recent study of Scottish hospitals they had found that Clomid didn’t offer any benefit for unexplained infertility until couples had been trying for 3 years. He said as we were approaching the 3 years he thought it was worth a try. He also recommended that we postpone the IVF cycle we’re due to start in March. He said that I’m still young yet!! I feel pretty old at 34 considering that I’ll be 35 in a few months and the quality of eggs are meant to decrease after this age.

I haven’t contacted the IVF clinic to postpone the IVF yet, I’m not mentally/emotionally able to do that just yet. I still feel like I’d be giving away my chance to get pregnant, even though it’ll only be postponed for 6 months whilst I try Clomid. And considering a prescription only costs £4.00 and IVF costs nearly £4,000 it’s well worth trying for the amount of money we’ll save. But I’ll have turned 35 by the second try at IVF by then…. oh I don’t know how I feel apart from hopeful with the Clomid but disappointed at not doing the IVF.

I’ve read a lot about Clomid and the information leaflet the doc gave me yesterday says Clomid has a 58% success rate, crazy when IVF only has a 30% success rate! Why wasn’t I given this option first???? But I am keeping everything crossed, well maybe not everything ;o)


IVF risks

13 01 2010

I received the comment below and wanted to share it, I hope Jan and Steph don’t mind but I honestly didn’t think this was possible.

I, like all other IVF patients I’m sure are told about the risks to their health when going through IVF. But I just didn’t think anything bad would happen to me (luckily nothing did), all I kept thinking was “who cares, I’ll do anything to get pregnant” and I’m sure I’m not alone.

Well the truth is, sometimes things do go wrong and IVF isn’t plain sailing for us all and boy does it sounds very scary!!

This was written by Jan regarding her daughter Steph:

“…she had an extreme reaction to the hormones during the egg retrieval process, (November) and hyperstimulated to the point of being in a critical condition in acute care in hospital. They drained 2 litres of fluid from her abdomen and 1.5 litres from her lungs, she had compromised kidneys and was on high alert for heart failure. She looked 9 months pregnant, was on oxygen as lungs weren’t working enough to keep the oxygen levels in her blood stream up, and had to have 2 blood transfusions for the protein content to help her body. She was oozing fluid out of her legs, and from the puncture wounds in her body, and she gained weight (all fluid) going from 45 kilos to 61 kilos in 2 days. It was such a shock and she was sooooooo very sick, even the specialists where extremely concerned. By the 3rd day she had 3 specialists looking after her. But good news is she has rallied, and has 3 grade A embyros waiting on ice for her when she is fit and well enough to go ahead. “

Happy New Year!

1 01 2010

May all your hopes and dreams come true in 2010 x x x

One down, one to go!

28 12 2009

This may sound horrible but I’m glad Christmas is over!

Luckily I never met either of my pregnant cousins over the past couple of days, I was dreading it!

My family usually go to my Aunt and Uncle’s every Christmas night for a few drinks and my cousin D and her husband are always there and this year was no different. I was dreading my aunt phoning and asking us to go to her house but luckily she never. I wouldn’t have been able to go and for that I’m pretty peeved at myself. I thought I was coping well with friends and relatives getting pregnant and having their babies but I wonder if I’m struggling because IVF didn’t work?? I think it’s only now that it’s hitting me exactly what I’ve been through and what I’ve “lost”.

I know I’ve not really lost anything, I wasn’t even pregnant, but at one point my DH and I had an embryo, a potential baby that would have meant so much to us.

I used to think all I needed to do for a guaranteed pregnancy was to go through IVF. The realisation that I’d done IVF and it hadn’t worked hit me just a couple of weeks ago. I was driving to work and the realisation that my “safety card”, my guarantee hadn’t worked hit me like a ten tonne truck. I felt sheer panic!! And the repeated thought “what am I going to do now?”  never left me that day.

The IVF consultant and friends have said that it was only our first time and there’s no reason why it can’t work the next time but at the moment I can’t help thinking the exact same thing will happen again, that I won’t be able to keep our embryo alive. I feel like my body is failing us and have even been thinking I might need to consider using donor eggs. But with that comes the thought that if it does work and I do have a baby that it won’t have any characteristics of me or my family. I love when my Mum says that my nephew plays with his food just like I did! Really stupid but it makes me feel happy when we see small things like that! I feel sad to think I won’t get a chance to see that for myself in my own child.

Just one more day to go… New Years Day!

We have been invited to my cousins house at the New Year and normally I love it but I just can’t go this year. Now I’m worrying about what excuse I can use for not going. I know I can tell my sister exactly why I don’t want to go but I don’t want to tell my Mum or DH. I don’t want them to know I’ve reached that stage of IF where I can’t be around pregnant people. How stupid/naive was I to think it wouldn’t happen to me!!

I recently read an IF story that struck a cord:

“Such a daft thing, but it’s just another reminder that whilst the world moves on, we’re stuck on the periphery, noses pressed to glass, voyeurs in a family-orientated world where we don’t belong and can’t take part.”  The full story can be read here:

Sorry for the somber post and I do hope that many of you received the greatest Christmas present ever… a BFP!! :o)

And for the rest of us, here’s hoping 2010 will be the year when we can take part too x


6 12 2009

It feels like ages since I last updated, my apologies. I even feel like I’ve done myself no favours in getting those recurring thoughts “down on paper”.

Lots of things have been happening!!

I went to see my GP last Monday (30 Nov) to ask if I she could refer me to get further tests done following the unsuccessful IVF and unexplained infertility. Of all the GP’s in our practice I chose the only GP with DRCOG after her name. Apparently it means she’s got some “Obstetrics and Gynaecology” qualification so I thought she’d be able to answer lots of my questions… but of course I was wrong!

I told her that I’ve been charting my cycle for 24 months and it looks like my Luteal Phase is on the short side. She said that it wasn’t her area of expertise!! I asked if she could refer me to someone who would know and be able to do further tests and even said I’d be willing to pay for any tests. She said as I wasn’t at the top of the NHS list (forgot to mention I’m not eligible to even be on the list until July 2010) that she’ll see what tests we could get done on the NHS. She is going to write to the sub-fertility clinic I first went to and ask them if they’ll do more tests and if they’ll not entertain me, she’s going to write to the clinic where I got my IVF. To be honest I don’t even know what tests she’s going to ask them to do.

She told me that the Consultant at the RIE who gave me the post IVF consult had written to her and said he’d be willing to do a laparoscopy only if I experienced mid-cycle bleeding. I told the GP that this guy had said that he might get the incision in the wrong place, she said this is extremely unlikely as it doesn’t matter if there is endometriosis on the right or left ovary as they go in in the centre and are still able to see both ovaries! Who knows but this guy is meant to be the expert!!

So it’s back to a waiting game to see if someone will do some more tests. I just want as much as possible investigated before I embark on another IVF cycle. A girl I know has had 2 failed IVF attempts and now that she’s considering her 3rd the clinic offered to test the fluid in her fallopian tubes. Apparently if this fluid is toxic it can harm an embryo in the uterus. Why do they wait until you have been through the emotional and financial trauma of a failed cycle before doing these tests, why not do everything possible before the IVF to give women the best possible chance of the IVF working? Luckily her test results have came back clear.

Her clinic (Dundee) have also told her about a blood test they can do which will give an indication of which eggs to use for fertilisation. This has never been mentioned to me. She was told that Glasgow are the only clinic offering it just now but Dundee hope to be able to do it in the near future. I’m sure she said it was only a couple of hundred pounds extra. There is another test they can do on eggs but I’m sure this is a couple of thousand pounds (I read it in a newspaper a few months ago). Again, this hasn’t been offered either!

I’ve got more to post but need to go, family day out in Edinburgh to see the Christmas lights and German market! :o)

What a week…

25 11 2009

So I’ve got my good underwear on again… it’s time to see Pascal the Acupuncturist tonight!! I must say I feel like I need to see him, it’s been a long week and I’m looking forward to relaxing and chilling out for a bit!

My boss’ daughter had a wee boy the other day and I was invited to look at the photo’s etc. My boss when telling me how chuffed he is said “I can’t describe it, you’ll not know what it feels like until it happens to you”. My eyes were stinging with tears trying to break out and my throat felt like it’d been clamped shut. I got a dull stabbing pain in my chest and could only nod at him in agreement. I really could have screamed “No shit Einstein! You know I’m trying to experience that for myself, why oh f*cking why would you say such a thing to me you insensitive twat”!

Needles to say I wasn’t in too great a mood after that, coupled with the fact that AF is imminent and I’ve got PMS from hell!

You know I get so angry with myself month after month. I mean how could I have been so stupid yet again to think that maybe this month I will be pregnant and AF won’t show. Why oh why do I constantly ride this rollercoaster and believe “this” month it’ll happen?? You’d think by now I’d have learned my lesson but oh no I keep coming back for more!

I’m going to make that appointment with my GP for next week and see if she can help refer me for further tests re my luteal phase. I’m 9 DPO today and think my period will either come today or tomorrow morning so my LP isn’t long at all. If she even tries to fob me off I may committ murder… I’m a donkey on the edge!!! ;o)

Show and Tell: From a 1st timmer

18 11 2009

My friend sent me this picture of her daughter:

Aren’t some mothers just cruel!! LOL

Yes ladies this is what we can look forward to, laughing at our kids expense!! :o)

PS This is not her normal dummy/soother you’ll be glad to know!

See what others are showing this week:  Show and Tell